When Apathy Rolls In

My thoughts are repeatedly

Assaulted

Overrun

Permeated with nothingness

Shadows of misgiving

And fear

Doubts

And unsettling lies.

 

It happens so easily

And quickly

And I am reminded

There is a place

I must firmly declare sacred ground.

 

I am too often muddied by the dust

Of the daily

Of the ordinary

Of the long, one-step-only days,

That threaten me with

The fear that I am not

Enough

That I am not approved of

That I am not wanted

Or adored.

 

It happens so silently

This assault on my mind

That I slowly notice myself

Trudging

Through another day

Instead of

Lifting my steps

With dignity

And victory

And grace.

 

And so I declare my mind

A hallowed space

A sanctified place

Where angels stand guard

Like mighty warriors

Defending gates

That would otherwise crumble

Because without them,

I am weak

And afraid

Vulnerable

And easily swayed

By the darkness that pulls

And entices

And calls to me to swim

In its never-ending depths

Of futility.

 

Because when I leave my mind

Open and unguarded

It floods with untruth

And unrightness

And it becomes

An easy target

Hungry for food

that neither nourishes nor fills

But only harms and destroys

And leaves destruction

And ruination in its wake.

 

On my apathetic days

I wander and I wonder

Questions haunt me

And the why’s drain me

And the what if’s leave me

Fragile

And

Strained

Breakable

And

Unsure.

 

And I too easily settle

Into the comforts

Of the familiar rutted roads

That wreak havoc

And cause unrest

For my soul.

 

I am too easily

Caught between

Where I wish to be

And

Where I know I would be

If I ceded my right

To prevail

And to win

And to soar.

 

In these tired moments

I cave

And I forget

The goodness I was made

To explore

I become content

With my weakness

And forget

To seek the more

And the strong

And the wise.

 

And I become established

In the arms of apathy

And cease

Rising above

Because it’s work

Such hard, gut-wrenching

Relentless work

To rise above

And fight the tide

Of indifference

And passivity.

 

But I will rise above.

 

I will stand my ground.

 

I will be firm

And unyielding

To the enemy’s fire

And I will remember

The One who gives me strength.

 

I will summon the will

To know

And to give praise

To the One

Who knows my mind

For He gave it to me

Entrusted it to me

Handed it carefully to me

In good faith

That I will center it

Only on Him

And place it back

In His precious arms.